I know what the title of this post is supposed to mean, but in order for me to live there, there’s something I have to get out of the way first.
I’m sorry for many things.
I’m sorry because 2020 was one of the best years of my life.
I’m sorry I’ve made choices not everyone understands.
I’m sorry I couldn’t care less anymore. I couldn’t care less what you said about me, what you say about me now, what you think. All that matters right here in this moment are the little tugs on my heart God is giving me to move, to write, to continue forward and follow wherever He’s leading.
I’m sorry in this year of all years, I’ve laughed more, my smile has been more genuine, and my heart has been more full than any time before this present one.
But I’m actually………not.
I’m not sorry.
I’m not sorry I trudged through the grime to get here.
I’m not sorry for the tears that got me to this place.
I’m not sorry for the mistakes that turned me into who I am.
I will no longer apologize for this person I’ve become. I will no longer make excuses for people who don’t get it. I will no longer silence the voice inside me telling me I’m greater than what I’m doing because I’m afraid. I will no longer let fear define me. I will no longer let lingering eyes and the words of men control my actions.
This is the leap of faith. I’m stepping out. And whether there’s ground to catch me at the bottom or not, I’m taking it. Who knows, maybe God will teach me to fly.
I will love with all I’ve got and move towards my goals and conquer the places I’m meant to. I will think freely, live right, and do good.
God will be light, my husband my world, and my purpose the forefront of my motive. My heart will beat in tune to the broken and the needy, my brain will adapt to my surroundings, and my words will be said with meaning and grace.
There is no new me this year. The goal is to continue on the foundation I have been building for the last couple years. With great forethought, I have been rebuilding and replacing things I love about myself, and I have no intentions of giving up on my project.
I’ve made a ton of progress, I see the giant milestones I’ve reached and I am proud. However, recently I looked around and noticed there are still a great many small things I left by the way side. Some are broken and need rebuilt, some I picked up along the way but never stuck, and some are new things meant to help me on new journeys.
These are my focuses this new year. And I invite you to come on this journey with me. A journey to an unapologetical me.
Thank you for your time and I pray you have a blessed new year!
The Happy Otter